|photo by adessigna|
I had a few moments to spare this morning, so I'm taking the opportunity to get my thoughts down. Yes, I should be going to the gym, but I woke up feeling less than perfect. Plus, the cold, rainy weather leads me to feel inspired this morning, and cozying up to my laptop and getting words seems more pressing.
The past few weeks have been sort of challenging, but nice all at the same time. It's nice for a change to be really busy, but it's been challenging to transition from my holiday laze to the upbeat pace I've set for myself. Mondays have become Manic Mondays and I couldn't be happier. I'm doing the work I love to do, how can I complain? One of these days I'll even get to the blog post about how I love my Mondays rather than just thinking about the words I want to share. However, by the end of the day I've been a little depleted and writing is the last thing on my mind. I should have more tapas I know, but in that moment recovery seems more important.
I think there comes a point when the reservation of energy becomes necessary. As I get older I have noticed that my energy resources become more valuable and need more attention. The notion of "down time" really is down time--a quiet space to reflect, refresh and energize myself. It's taken me some time to understand that this "down time" is necessary to maintain my steady pace. I used to beat myself up because I couldn't keep up with some of my friends. I swear they are machines when it comes to balancing work, friends, family, etc and really, I'm always in awe of how much they can get done in a day. But, I've realized, I'm just not built that way and it's okay. I need that "down time" in order to be filled up for the "go time" for the rest of the week. This is hard to stomach because the go, go, go of life and the desire to be successful doesn't really lend itself to stopping and slowing down. But now I know if I don't get that "down time" the goals I set will slip farther away from me and I'll have no energy to pursue them. The more I just am, the easier things become and in fact, the more comes to me. It's a nice exchange.
Realizations like this have come to me over the years. Most recently, I've come to understand that not only am I a extremely sensitive emotional being, but I'm also really sensitive on the physical and energetic levels as well. Some of my friends may gasp at this, but it's true. Things affect me much more deeply than they used to and when I say things, I mean food, drink, relationships, activity, discussions, reading...you name it, it gets me. The down time helps me cope, digest, and manage all that comes my way. Coming to this realization has given me a different outlook on me. Maybe I've always been affected by such things and never noticed. It sure didn't feel that way five to ten years ago. Maybe I'm just more aware than I used to be. It's hard to tell which case is true.
My Reiki therapist tells me that healers are of the most sensitive people. A friend of mine once told me that my sensitivity is what allows me to go to the very depths of my being, extract a deep personal revelation and put it all down in words (on this blog for instance). It is what my theater professor meant when he said "you're an artist." All of these things, the sensitivity, the turning inward, the deep contemplation make up what I share with students, friends and family on a daily basis. Knowing this, instead of feeling behind or lacking, I now feel ahead of the game.
So now I'm learning to balance my sensitive soul and body with the rest of the world around me. Sometimes it means going all out and doing all that I can and sometimes it means drawing deeply within. Sometimes it means "down time" is more important than "face time" and some meetings and projects can wait. It's learning how to balance my being (physically, mentally, energetically, spiritually) so that I can serve others and myself to the best of my ability. It's about accepting me for me and loving it all the same.
I couldn't resist pulling back into my archives of 90s Jewels songs for this post. I have always loved Jewel. Her words and harmony always speaking to my heart, so it seems only fitting to share these lyrics.
So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive
And I'd like to stay that way.
I have this theory that if we're told we're bad
Then that's the only idea we'll ever have
But maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see
'Cause anyone can start a conflict
It's harder yet to disregard it
I'd rather see the world from another angle
We are everyday angels
Be careful with me 'cause I'd like to stay that way